it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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