omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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