They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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