I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
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Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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