hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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