hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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