the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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