I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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