I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize