a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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