I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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