I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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