It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize