why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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