Don't make out with my wife yet
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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