If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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