i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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