Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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