tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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