My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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