that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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