He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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