I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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