Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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