I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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