Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
FUCK WHALES
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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