Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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