He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
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Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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