I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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