So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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