What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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