and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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