He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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