Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My life is pants optional.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize