even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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