I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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