hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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