don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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