Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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