OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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