I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize