I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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