I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize