I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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