I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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