I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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