I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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