The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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