I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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