That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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